You檇 live in a place where no two people had the same name, and all were hot 17/f cheerleaders with a fetish for pierced gay Dobermans in spandex.
You檇 only pay $19.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you檇 be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door salescreeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99
The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
48 hours after moving in, your mailbox would be overflowing with special offers, promotions and discounts from www.getlaid.com
The local post office would tell your mother you檙e not a known resident.
The local post office wouldn檛 forward your mail to you when you move.
The administration would kick you out of town for cursing after one of those brutal toe stubs.
If you saw a crime and called 911, they檇 reply a week later with a form letter saying how you ';really are important to us.';
The administration would tell your boss to either pay up, or move his slack-*** company somewhere else.
Everyone on the street would have something to do with kiddy porn, and this business would account for 75% of all city revenue.
Every time you went to the mall, people would run up to you and violently scream M/F??!!, AGE/SEX?!?! Or g0t PH1SH d3wd?!11 while little kids called your cell phone saying ';Wanna SCREW?';
Those that didn檛 do that would call you and say ';Hi, I檓 j0e hax0r from the town council. We had a database crash and lost your tax records. Please give us your address and the key to your house or we will be forced to evict you and your family.';
Every time you went shopping, you檇 be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming ';WE橰E SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.';
Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh behind your back.
Even your 3 year old son would know the intimate personal details of the town security expert.
You檇 occasionally be sent home during the day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation, but that it檚 really the Earth檚 fault.
The local McDonalds sign would be realistically changed to ';McHax0r Wuz H3r3'; and ';Gr33tz 2 K}It0sawruz'; almost daily. Police don檛 investigate, but do show up with little scrubby tools, or just remove the sign altogether.
Half the kids in the daycare you use are thinly disguised, fat, hairy, drooling, diapered men holding sacks of candy.
Your daughter would disappear to the No-Tell Motel every night, and you檇 foot the bill.
Putting up controversial art in your home would result in the police bashing in your door, throwing your *** on the floor, and kicking the crap out of you while saying ';Ya got two chances left, dickface. ROFLMAO LOL!!';
You檇 send your kids to school for history, math, and science, but they檇 wind up studying ph1shing, one-handed typing, and annoying acronyms.
You檇 not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone檚 mailbox with crap, and vacate before sun-up.
The administration would secretly sell off chunks of their personal land in the city, while buying up neighboring cities with imaginary funds.
The administration would build a huge, state- of- the- art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly demand money while ripping down the swings and beating the kids currently playing there.
Don檛 forget the AOL playground, which is locked so that the kiddies can not get out ';for safety reasons,'; and then hordes of perverts %26amp; pedophiles are allowed in.
The police would work for free out of some sort of ';duty'; to the city, but would secretly only be doing it for the free food stamps.
Upon waking every morning, a voice from above would shout, ';HEY! YOU DO WANT A GODDAMN AOL VISA, DON橳 YOU?'; To which you say ';no.'; The voice then replies, ';OK, I橪L ASK YOU TOMMOROW.';
A trip to the local library would find you a few ancient doom 2 patches, commercial pix of Pamela Anderson Lee, and a viral copy of PkZip 2.04g
Community events would be periodically interrupted because of the speaker randomly flying out of the meeting hall and appearing several minutes later with some stupid comment about a Punt Monster.
Your neighbors would be called to leave on pilgrimages to a mystical land called USENET, where they would bleat the virtues of your fair city.
Somewhere in another city, David Cassel would be sitting with a telescope trained on City Hall, smiling contentedly.
...I thought it was funny :SAN AOL Joke... For those that loathe AOL :)?
This was hilarious - thanks for sharing it!!!!!
This was my favorite part, hahaha:
Community events would be periodically interrupted because of the speaker randomly flying out of the meeting hall and appearing several minutes later with some stupid comment about a Punt Monster.
still lmfao......
CandyAN AOL Joke... For those that loathe AOL :)?
Thanks for choosing a best answer!
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funny lol :) !!!!!!!
funny to a certain rate!Cannot say i didnt enjoy it.It was a good joke man!
Great Stuff Funny All The Way. I'm Smiling Now and it is 2:39 When I Should Be Sleeping. Thanks For Sharing Have A Great Tuesday
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